richwhitelesbian:

teapayne:

One time when I was 7 i went to this big department store and there was giant rugs hanging from the celling and you could move them to see more rugs, so i moved one and there was an employee sitting behind it eating a bag of Doritos and I screamed and started crying and the store gave us a free rug

i got fired because of you

me: omg did i reply too fast

me: they're going to think i'm obsessed with them

me:

(Source: lespez)

(Source: ryangoslingsballs)

kwieta:

do you me know who is beautiful?

read the third word 

(Source: andrewbreitel)

me: closes wrong tab

me: PTERODACTYL NOISE

onedirectionstraighttohell:

there’s nothing that angers me more than self-flushing toilets

don’t tell me when i’m done

(Source: jankyass)

neodad:

you know when you ask your sister to get you some gummy candy but you really mean SOUR gummy candy so when she comes home with your gummy bears you are very disappointed and forget them in the sun and then they congeal into one single 990 calorie gummy rectangle and you spend 10 minutes cutting it out of the bag so you can take a picture for the internet

teapayne:

teapayne:

why is there even blood on there even dance floor?

you should always proof read your posts kids

shaving23spiders:

boozledorf:

yufeelme:

don’t trust anyone with a strong negative opinion on rap music

I sense a contradiction in terms.

“Music” implies change in some sort of pitch.  ”Rap” implies a lack thereof.  Therefore, “Rap music” is an oxymoron.  If you remove the “oxy”, you get the kind of people that like rap music.

Hey dude you dropped your fedora 

polytoed:

when people like you but not in “that way”

(Source: squidwurd)

nickiminajvevo:

Miranda Costco